Friday Randoms 1

This is the first of what I hope becomes a regular post: the Friday Random, a hodpodge of thoughts, ideas or observations which hit me during the week.

This week I took another road trip to central Oklahoma, which is a beautiful area. I'm sad that the state's decision-makers aren't nearly as inwardly wonderful, though, because that keeps me from moving to a pretty lake community or something. I visited at least three different Native Nations and somehow didn't take a lot of photos. My thrifting and antiquing purpose was thwarted too, as only one of 8+ stores had anything I wanted and could resell. That's how it goes sometimes.

But that drive left me in my brain, which (this time) was not a dangerous place to be. Oh, it once was, thanks to drinking, then to anxiety. But this round was full of small-yet-huge realizations.

In no particular order, here are the randoms of the week:

There is no there-the journey is the goal.

Control your expectations: am I invested in the process or in the outcome?

Ask yourself "Can I do anything about [insert pressing worry or concern here]?" If not, do nothing and redirect yourself. Or just take a nap.

Do the thing. Yes, the thing that you've feared, postponed, avoided, worried you're not good enough to do. If you're like me, you're too perfectionistic and will avoid doing that thing because you can't do it perfectly the first time. The whole point of doing is learning and "be"-ing, so just fucking do it.

Ask for help. Ask in different places. Connect, whether that means online, through hobbies, at the rec center, hanging out at the coffee or hobby shop—ask. It's humbling but also leads you to Your People.

Sit still for five minutes each day. Could be meditating, could be just watching the trees in the yard. Could even be staring at paint on the wall. The Buddhist idea of letting thoughts pass through and by is very real and do-able. It also inexplicably works to calm the mind. I don't come up with this stuff, I just try it and see what works.

If root causes of your life troubles are overwhelming, go to therapy. Tackle the root and extricate it. (For free or sliding scale therapy, check to see if your county has a mental health clinic; many do, even with cutbacks, for now).

Change takes time. Make time.

Expect to have "off" days. No one is 100% every day, and rest is important stuff. So go sleep, wake up and try it again tomorrow.

Feel all your feelings, including the ones you deem negative, but take care and don't allow them to spiral onto others. You are responsible for not fucking up others' lives because you're having a hard time. You don't have to keep it to yourself, but you do have to navigate expressing those feelings in a not-harmful way.

Related: disregard what you do which hurts others. Stop taking that action.

Stagnation (for me) comes from a fear of being out of my comfort zone. If you're "out of comfort", ask yourself: Am I using situations or people to comfort me? What does my ego get from that? "What happens if...?" also applies to good changes, so keep that in mind, because good changes are still changes. This week I went way out of my comfort zone and it was amazing, joyful and reassuring, when I had planned for and feared rejection or shaming, of not being seen as "good enough" by others. That was all my ego and Old Tapes telling me what I'd heard countless times in the past, whether in word or though action. Those tapes were so wrong.

Do I "deserve" XYZ or do I just want that?

I go into this more deeply in The Growth Workbook, but this is how those ideas randomly show up in life with or without a workbook or journal, usually while driving through hills. The greenery and awesome trees help!